There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
