there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
