you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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