she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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