i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
