Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
she smelled like a LAN party
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
There's always time for handjobs
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
i believe in u and ur pee
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
