i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
