I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
