I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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