She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
