Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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