I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
