i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
