Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
