After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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