I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm having to shit out rocks
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
