My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Shame - the story of my life.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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