his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
