Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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