i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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