I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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