farters have to be the big spoon...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize