i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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