Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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