I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
