Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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