For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize