I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
