You made me cry and you don't even care
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
