My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
