i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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