One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Panties = found
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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