Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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