Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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