I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
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