He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
