You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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