My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize
