my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Randomize
