Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
My feet surprised me
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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