I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
how drunk are you?
Several
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
