You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm jealous of your bromance
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
