I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
