oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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