Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
