Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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