I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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