I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
