Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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