she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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