I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
