Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
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