i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
