he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
it's like iHOP with fire
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Let's paint friendship bongs
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
