i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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