haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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