Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
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I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
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I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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