Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
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