Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
