I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
