he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
