BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
