Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
