Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
