Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize