i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
