Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
