I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Randomize
