its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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