Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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