i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
