I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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