So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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