Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
as a side note pls kill me
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
