I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
