This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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