so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
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Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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