did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
