great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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